Who defines your self-worth?

In a world as shallow as ours, it might sometimes be difficult to determine where your motivations or aspirations to be something are originated in. There is a lot of pressure that comes from the society that we live in, and even more from the beauty standards that have formed when the world has constantly been changing and shifting- resulting in the fact that if you want to feel like you are something, you have to be everything. By this I mean, that the world nowadays is diverse and full of opportunities, and it makes it very difficult to choose a path. So the question becomes, who do you want to please, and who do you let define yourself?

I believe each and every one of us would love to answer this question with "me", but I certainly doubt that it's the truth. I don't think of myself as a person who does what others pressure to, but still I find myself thinking about that pressure a lot. I don't feel the need to fit in anyone else's idea of perfect, because how could I? Everyone has a different kind of perfect. So I believe it's about pleasing others that makes me even worry about the subject.

And it's not a bad thing to try to please people. Or is it? I tried it, a long time ago, because I was too afraid to be myself in the fear of getting rejected. I was shy and scared, and it wasn't that easy to make good friends back then. So I did what people wanted me to, but in the process I lost myself. I started feeling like I was worth nothing, and couldn't tell who treated me wrong and who treated me right.

Rising from that pit was even harder than I would've guessed: people had learned I come second and that my opinions or feelings didn't matter, and very often I got confused if I actually wanted to do something for me, or just to please others. I lost myself, again.

It was hard work. I had to be honest not just to myself but others, too. I had to start talking about my feelings (gosh, how hard that was!) and I had to make a stand for myself so many uncomfortable and tormenting times. And at first it got me to the wrong direction. I became something else, wildly talkative and very stubborn. I felt, that since I'd never had my own way, I wanted it all the time now. So it took some time to find my own way, to think for myself but not push it on others.

I made it, and nowadays my only problem is that I actually feel bad about not doing things the way others want me to. I feel awful about taking my own time when I'm tired and someone asks me to help with something. I feel even worse when some people don't like me, even though I genuinely would like to get to know the person better, and honestly feel like we could hit it off.

I decided, that I am the only one who could define me, and there was no one who should have the power to stomp me down. And still, I find myself thinking about it sometimes, feeling bad for who I'm letting myself be because of what others think. But I shouldn't. I should please the people who deserve it, the people who I love. But even then, none of these people define me. I do.

So people, choose your own way, do what you love and not what you feel like you have to, just don't hurt anyone in the process. And more importantly: don't let the world define you. Do it yourself, and be proud of what you are.

Buffy & elämä

Katselen tässä pitkästä aikaa Buffy vampyyrintappajaa, ja nyt hokaan miten se yrittää puhua teinitytön elämästä! Sun täytyy selvitä koulusta ja ihmissuhteista ja samalla taistella sun omia demoneita (vampyyrit+muu paha sarjassa) vastaan. Vanhemmille ei voi kertoa kaikkea (vampyyrintappamisesta) joten sulla on ystävät joihin tukeudut ja jotka tietää susta kaiken.

Ihastut pari kertaa johonkin perusjamppaan mutta mistään ei tunnu tulevan mitään, ja sen jälkeen tulee se ensirakkaus. Se on niin ihanaa, mahtavaa ja täydellistä ja sulle itselle täysi mysteeri ensi alkuun, kunnes päätät antaa ja pojasta tulee yhtäkkiä ilkeä ja täysin erilainen kuin aiemmin. (Angel menettäessään sielunsa)

Joudut taistelemaan että selviät tästä tilanteesta ja saat tapettua sen vihan ja katkeruuden sun sisältä (Angelin sarjassa), minkä jälkeen voit vihdoin antaa anteeksi. Kun anteeksi on annettu, voi normaali yhteiselo alkaa rinta rinnan ja elämä jatkuu. Jossain vaiheessa itekin hokaat että joidenkin ihmisten kanssa ei vaan sovi yhteen vaikka se niin täydelliseltä on tuntunukin.

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HERRANJUMALA mikä valaistuminen oikeesti. Ei se ihmekään että sarja iski teinityttöihin ympäri maailman. RELATE.